Both Christian and secular psychologists agree that child centered homes are risky business. Couples who center their homes around children have higher divorce rates, they strain marriages, they exhaust parents, and they set up children for a rude awakening as adults when they realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.
What does a child-centered family look like? How can we make sure we're "doing it right"? Here are a few comparisons to consider. Does your family look like the one on the right or the left?
Child-Centered Parenting | Marriage-Centered Parenting |
In a child-centered, family, the parents "date" their children | Husband and wife date each other intentionally and set aside time for intimacy |
All special occasions, even Valentine's Day and anniversaries include and center around children | Children Children are included in celebrations, but romantic occasions include some boundaries, and some specific celebration/gifts are for husband and wife alone |
Screensavers and electronic wallpaper photos are of the children | Photos of your children are cherished, but some photos of your spouse or of you two alone are also displayed. |
Parents behave like roommates | Parents behave like lovers and partners |
Weekends center around children, social activities, extracurricular activities, and sporting events. | Weekends Weekends are for family time, with sometimes set aside for husband and wife alone |
Conversations are centered around the children | Parents Parents generally have a variety of subjects to discuss and look forward to private conversations |
Evening activity center around and include children | Children's bedtimes are observed (younger children go to bed, while older children may be told to retreat to their rooms for the evening), allowing husband and wife to spend some time together alone each night |
During car rides, one spouse may sit in the backseat with younger children | Adults are in the front seat, and children in the backseat |
Children and parents sharing a bed is the norm | Children sleep in their own beds, and spouses sleep together (with the expectation of a special occasion, illness, injury, etc.). |
Meal choices at home and at restaurants are decided with the children's preferences in mind | Adults make decisions about meals |